Three characters might be enough to sum up everything going through my head right now but I’m gotta do what I do and vomit over my keyboard hoping for feelings to come out with the rest of the gloop.
As I was filming this last scene, I could not help but feel a deep sadness for what was to come. It was inevitable after all, of course it was, Kevin Tran advanced placement of Neighbor Michigan was supposed to die a less than heroic death by the end of Supernatural’s 7th season. Sam and Dean would take a moment to sigh in regret and then move on as they should and we would have done the same. This show was supposed to be nothing to me… but it became everything.
It’s weird to stop and think just how far Kevin has come since I first met him and how much he’s been able to accomplish in such a short time. He’s lost everything and everyone he’s ever known, forced to run and hide and at such a young age, you kinda wonder how else he was ever gonna rest in peace.
They said every prophet was supposed to have an archangel tethered to them for divine intervention should there be danger. Chuck had Raphael to protect him from Lilith but by the time Kevin had become the prophet, the arch angels were either dead or locked away. I like to think that the SPNFamily had been Kevin’s angels all along and the biggest reason for his survival. I thank you for that. These thoughts were swimming through my head as I lay there on the floor in darkness.
I had prosthetics on my eyes so I couldn’t see, nor could my eyes be seen. That was for the best because it was in those moments that I said my farewells. To the studio, the houseboat, the Men of Letters bunker where I spent so much time. To craft services, the caterers, and the candy tray, where I spent even more time. To the faces I’ve gotten so used to seeing over the last two years, I had to say “see ya later” because I just couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye, all the while hoping that the glue holding my eye pieces in place weren’t in jeopardy of dissolving.
It’s been an amazing ride and though I knew it was coming, it’s still this strange sensation that I can’t quite readily describe in this mindset. I’ve met so many wonderful people and I’ve made so many memories I’ll cherish for a lifetime.. but it’s that time where I say my thanks and take that last step into the fandom and let that world envelop me as I continue to support the show and the fans that have changed my life. Thank you for everything you’ve done, everything you’re doing, and everything you continue to do. Thank you.
And yes, I do think #KevinLives. In all of our hearts :)
“The years between eighteen and twenty-eight are the hardest, psychologically. It’s then you realize this is make or break, you no longer have the excuse of youth, and it is time to become an adult – but you are not ready.”—Helen Mirren (via dnimruoyesol)
“It is disgusting. We are told to love sex but never masturbate or fool around. To love our bodies but we have to be hairless, thin, have boobs, and to never wear make up to cover our flaws. We can like sports and watch them but we can’t play them unless they are toned down and pretty enough to be oggled at. We can be nerds but we can’t be TOO smart or we forget our place. We are told we need a prince charming and to seek him out by constantly changing ourselves and being perfect for him. We are given the message that outside beauty is what matters the most but if we have it and get successful it was because we have a pretty face. We are told we exaggerate and should just go with it when we complain of being objects and property. We are taught that being a woman is worthy of an insult… WE have to fear walking at night. WE have to go in a group if we need to use the bathroom in a strange place. WE have to be cautious of where we are and who we are with. That we are told to hush and get over it if we are assaulted because real life isn’t like the crime shows and it is harder to convict the assaulter. That female artists are degraded and yelled at in artist alleys. That you are judged just by how you wear a t-shirt.”—(via endloussly)
During my autograph session I thanked Jensen for taking so much time away from his family to make the show and do the conventions and that we really appreciate it. He looked me in the eyes and smiled and said:
"It’s no problem. It’s just a different kind of family."